I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
