to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
