Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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