i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
