glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
