D3 body, D1 cock
This is not my ceiling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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