Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
