he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
