3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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