My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
