if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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