Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
