found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
