If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
