Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
as a side note pls kill me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
