I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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