Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
