they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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