dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
