just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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