Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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