I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
