it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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