My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
