NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
