do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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