I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do vagina's smell?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
