hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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