yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
