Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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