On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
