Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
