Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
