She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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