Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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