he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
