It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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