I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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