I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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