"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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