Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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