If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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