dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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