I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
