you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
