Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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