you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
