At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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