you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
