I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When are your genitals available?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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