i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
