i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
