the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
