Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
