Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
